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Struggling

Jul 22nd 2009Business & Life

I’m struggling right now.  Mentally struggling.  Creatively struggling.  Trying to fit things together that just don’t seem to fit.  Trying to figure out why people make decisions or decide on paths when those decisions are based on incomplete data or completely biased information.  Working through my emotions when I am affected by those decisions or excluded from the discussion or dialogue that should occur.  Wondering why so many people in this world feel like they have a clue when they don’t necessarily have one, and wondering why folks work the backchannels to achieve some ill defined goal that then assuages their own ego but ultimately creates long term havoc for those that may thus be affected.

When I start struggling like this, for a few days I can’t focus enough to complete tasks and I can’t create enough to achieve closure on things I’m working on.  When I start down a particular path in these times, desperately trying to launch some positive emotion and trying to find an anchor that’s not based on the struggles and concerns, I always get yanked back to those things that don’t make sense and spin further into the oblivion of questions that don’t really have and may not deserve answers.

When I get in this “woe is me” state, something always happens that sparks a rebound.  Someone will make a statement or some action will be taken that changes the quicksand of emotions to stairs of renewed passion, and the climb back up to a forward thinking, forward dreaming and forward moving state will be fast.

I’m desperately seeking that spark now.  I need that smack across the head that says that things don’t always have to make sense and I don’t always have to be part of that decision making conversation.  I need that gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) reassurance that whatever decision was made and whichever path is ultimately taken will in the end result in blessings of some fashion.

And it will come.

It may very well be with that next phone call or that next email or that next hug or that next, “How are you doing?”

I certainly hope so.

I don’t like being in a funk.

2 Responses to “Struggling”

  1. realdeal42 on 23 Jul 2009 at 6:02 am #

    The first thing I thought of while reading this, was how in previous posts of yours you’ve recalled the other “struggle” times like this and marveled at how the results or opportunities that followed were incredible! So I think you can take your own past as an encouragement for what’s to come.

    On a lighter note, I also thought of this…
    There is perhaps some wisdom in what Princess Leia says while she’s a prisoner to Darth Vader: “The tighter you squeeze, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”

    So maybe trying too hard to control or understand is sometimes the problem? That’s when it starts to feel like things are unraveling, resulting in a “funk”?

  2. dee6992 on 23 Jul 2009 at 11:48 am #

    Come here….I’ll smack you!!