Musings at Altitude

About 4 years ago I spent a few months tracking those I stayed in touch with, and I specifically wanted to track those contacts based on the period of my life when I first met each of them (something I read triggered me to do it at the time).  Here were the periods I started with:

(1) Up to 1978 – Childhood – School and Church (includes family)

(2) 1978 – 1982 – Academy

(3) 1983 – 1985 – First Military Assignment – Wright Patterson AFB

(4) 1985 – 1988 – Second Military Assignment – Pentagon

(5) 1988 – 1993 – Third Military Assignment – Los Angeles AFB

(6) 1993 – 1994 – Fourth Military Assignment – Maxwell AFB

(7) 1994 – 1997 – Fifth Military Assignemnt – Washington DC

(8) 1997 – 1998 – First Civilian Job – Colorado Springs

(9) 1999 – 2001 – Second Civilian Job – Lakewood, CO

(10) 1998 – 2004 – Final Military Assignment – Los Angeles AFB, USAF Reserves

(11) 2001 – 2003 – Third Civilian Job – Sunnyvale, CA

(12) 2003 – Present – Current Job

As a key part of the exercise, I forced myself to consider the difference between a random contact with no real meaning and more formal contacts that led to much deeper conversations not limited solely to business issues.  I wanted to track the latter, and didn’t care as much about the former.

What started out as just an experiment became so much more as I began to analyze who I stayed in contact with and why I continued that contact.  Equally as important, I started looking back and assessing who I no longer stayed in contact with and I began wondering why, especially those who for some brief period of time became a close confidant or friend. 

During that 4 month period in 2004, I stayed in contact with about 100 people, and they mapped into the phases as shown below:

(1) Up to 1978 – 5

(2) 1978 – 1982 – 3

(3) 1982 – 1985 – 2

(4) 1985 – 1988 – 2

(5) 1988 – 1993 – 15

(6) 1993 – 1994 – 1

(7) 1994 – 1997 – 12

(8) 1997 – 1998 – 10

(9) 1999 – 2001 – 14

(10) 1998 – 2004 – 4

(11) 2001 – 2003 – 6

(12) 2003 – Present – 26

As I looked at my data after several months of tracking, one thing stood out clearly – in times of great challenge, great adversity, or great pain, the bonds were deeper and the relationships enduring; in times of ease or relative relaxation, the bonds and the relationships were mostly temporary.

I’m reminded of the scripture in the Bible from Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”  In times of great intensity and challenge, friends challenge each other, pick each other up, and sharpen each other.  I think that’s what is reflected in the numbers shown above specific to 4 years ago, and my guess is nothing will be different today.

I’m starting that process of tracking my contacts and interactions again to see if anything has noticeably changed since 2004.  I bet many of those that were on the list then are still on the list now.  Because of the intensity of business challenge these last 4 years, I know I’ve added quite a few more that I stay in touch with.  But I’ll also be looking for those that I don’t stay in touch with now and wonder why.

For those of you who have never mapped your interactions in this way, I encourage you to do it.  As you look at the numbers, look at the names, and then reach back and remember those who fought in the battles with you during certain phases of your life, I’d be interested to know what you learn and what actions you take when you have that data.