Musings at Altitude

I give up. 

Every time I try to get to bed early and catch up on that much needed rest, it’s denied. 

Typically it’s the wheezing and resultant hacking of asthma like conditions that only happen when I lay down. 

But tonight, it wasn’t that bad. 

And by 10:30, SportsCenter went off, and sleep arrived. 

But only momentarily.

At 10:40, I jumped up, swinging at whatever was in the room that was flying at me.  I realized within seconds that my mind was playing tricks on me, and by 10:50 I was back asleep. 

At 11:10, I was back up, anxiously grabbing at the air, and cupping my hand around whatever that sleep depriving bug must have been.  I rushed to the bathroom, turned on the light, looked into my hand and saw the nothingness of yet another ghost bug that evaded my grasp.  I returned to bed once again, apologizing to Denise for waking her up.  By 11:20 I was back asleep. 

At 11:40, I threw the covers off of me and over the top of that hovering demon, leaped out of bed, turned the light on, and gently lifted the covers hoping to see whatever it was that was tormenting me every time I entered that semi-sleeping state. 

Once again, nothing.

So I gave up on the sleep and came to the office again, hoping to at least let Denise get the rest that she needs even if it won’t come to me.

And here I sit, listening to music and pondering why I can’t sleep.

The flying things that aren’t really there have happened before, but normally after watching a movie like The Mummy before going to bed.  Nothing even remotely close to that was watched this evening, just US Open tennis and SportsCenter.

I did kill a spider this morning…an unusually large spider that was lurking just above our front door that freaked out my wife and my 15 year old.  When I swatted it the first time, I missed, and it dropped about a foot towards me on its web, causing me to recoil quickly and swing again.  It took three or four hits to ensure I won and he lost, which brought great comfort to the two ladies cowering inside the door of our house.

Maybe that’s haunting me now.  Maybe that unexpected drop of the spider straight at me is being replayed time and time again every time I go to sleep.

Or maybe I just have too much going on right now, and with an active mind, I just can’t sleep.

When this happens (and it seems like it happens all the time right now), I hear every creak in the house; I see every flash of light from passing cars through the windows; I notice the green lights of the smoke detectors and the dull glows of the radios and the clocks; and I toss and turn wanting all of that to fade away and anxious for sleep to arrive.

And it doesn’t.

That peace that comes from that perfectly deep sleep is avoiding me right now…in fact, it’s taunting me right now.

But it will eventually come.

I hope it’s soon.