Musings at Altitude

For the second night in a row, I’m struggling with sleep.  Once again, wheezing…hacking…tossing and turning…and eventually getting out of bed and tip toeing to the sanctuary of my office…hoping I don’t wake up my wife or daughter…sitting in the dark office with only the glow of the monitor lighting up the room…playing music at barely enough volume but plenty to hear the words and be inspired. 

It’s well after midnight now, and I’m pondering the things that happened during the day.  I wonder if I said the right things or reacted in the right ways.  I wonder if I positively impacted any of those that crossed my path today.  I wonder if I took any meaningful action towards resolution of the myriad of issues that sit ominously on the horizon.  I wonder if I moved any of those seemingly immovable objects that act like giant barriers to any sense of accomplishment that may come.

I think back on every conversation…the words that were said…the words left unsaid…the concerns voiced…the commitments made…the opportunity enabled…and sometimes, the optimism created.  I remember clearly the times that I wish I had said something different…the words I did say just didn’t come out right, creating confusion or concern when there should have been understanding and acceptance.  I worry about each one of those.  But I also remember the times when the words just flowed, perfectly aligned with the message in my head and delivered with a sense of clarity that doesn’t happen nearly enough anymore.  Those make me smile.

As I continue to think back on all the events of today, I let myself get totally absorbed in the music – “I’m coming back to the heart of worship”.  As the song ended this time, I looked down to my desktop, and in the faint glow from the monitor, this verse from Matthew 6:27 jumped out at me – “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”  What a wonderful and so very true message. 

My restlessness is now turning to peace, and it’s time to go to sleep.  And what a wonderful song from Nichole Nordeman to send me off to some much needed rest – Gratitude –

Daily bread, give us daily bread

Bless our bodies, keep our children fed

Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up and warm us through

Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs

Let us slumber safe from danger’s view this time

Or maybe not, not today

Maybe You’ll provide in other ways

And if that’s the case…

We’ll give thanks to You

With gratitude

A lesson learned

To hunger after you.

Amen and good night.