Musings at Altitude

It’s a beautiful day here and I’m trying to work.  Unfortunately, school is out and now the kids are home.  That means work is a shared environment now, even with the door closed.  My 13 year old daughter just crashed my work party and the dialogue went something like this:

Her:  “What are we having for dinner?”

Me:  “I don’t know.”

Her:  “But I need to know because if we’re having something big I’ll eat something small and if we’re having something small I’ll eat something big.”

Me:  “I don’t know!”

Her:  “Fine then, I’ll just leave and shut the door since I don’t have an appointment.”

I consider myself a semi-intelligent person, but I live in a constantly baffled state because of her.  In hindsight, I should have put the monkey back on her back and asked, “well what would you like for dinner?”  That may have at least bought me just a couple minutes of peace while she left to ponder the universe of food options for dinner.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about partners lately – my partner at home; my partners in life; my partners in business – not in regards to changing those partners (hope my wife didn’t jump to that conclusion!) but in regards to how partners when chosen properly create enormous upside in life and in business, and when chosenly poorly create a great burden that has to be overcome before any joy can be achieved.  In my thinking, I look back on all the times in my life when things just seemed to click, and in every case, things clicked when I felt incredibly fond of my team, my peers and my overseers, and thus an incredible level of force multiplying occurred.  On the opposite side of that, the times in my life when I seemed to be mired in quicksand were times where I felt disconnected from my team, my peers or my overseers, and when I didn’t feel like a partner in the mission needing to be accomplished but instead felt like a tool being used or a pawn being placed. 

At home, I have a partner and a co-leader that has been an incredible blessing to me.  We don’t always always agree with each other, but we do always love each other and definitely always respect each other.  In business, I’ve had partners and co-leaders that have been an incredible blessing to me, and I’ve had partners and co-leaders that have been an incredible burden on me.  I truly enjoyed the former and extricated myself out of the latter, but in every case I loved my partners even though in the latter I struggled with respect at times.  In leadership situations, I’ve been blessed with key senior executive team members that took the burden of the transactional components of business off of me and allowed me to focus on vision and strategy.  I love every one of them for that, and I greatly appreciate the intimacy that’s been shared and the accountability that’s been accepted by every one of them.  In each of these areas of my life, I have cherished partners in my leadership endeavors.

But many people struggle with partners in leadership.  I’ve heard many times from many people that “it’s lonely at the top”, but does it really have to be that way?  I’ve seen lots of leaders take over bad situations – turnarounds in a sense – and the first thing they do is bring in a trusted confidant to be part of their senior executive team.  Maybe that’s their way to counter the loneliness at the top.  I’ve seen other leaders bring in coaches and advisors to provide mostly private counseling and maybe that’s a way to counter the loneliness at the top.  Personally, I either bring in or create from within a tight team of people that become my confidants and I try and share everything.  Certainly, there are times where critical decisions will be made that require some solitude during the decision making process, but that should only come after the issues have been thoroughly discussed and debated. 

Leadership itself shouldn’t be lonely.

 

 

 

 

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With the Avalanche on a brief down period as they wait to determine who they will play in the next round of the playoffs, my 13 year old daughter has shifted her focus to other more important issues – filling up every single minute of her day with “stuff” to do.  Today’s focus is on taking “Flat Stanley” to the Garden of the Gods.  For those of you that don’t have young kids, Flat Stanley is a creative way for young children to learn about other places and other people by sending a cut out, crayon colored “Flat Stanley” to someone and have them take “Flat Stanley” on adventures.  My 13 year old got Flat Stanley in the mail from one of her young friends from back in Virginia, and my daughter is committed to giving Flat Stanley the time of his life.  Flat Stanley is already the luckiest cut out in the world because he got to go to an Avalanche playoff game Saturday night.  Here’s proof:

Now he evidently gets to go on a hike through the Garden of the Gods. 

So my 13 year old comes strolling into my office this morning, and our conversation goes something like this:

Her: “Dad, when can we go to Garden of the Gods today.” [Editor’s Note:  It’s very hard for me to describe the first word of almost every sentence she speaks.  The “Dad” really isn’t a syllable, but more of a sound that emerges from her gut.  It’s fractions of a second long, and biting in tone.  And equally as important, though in fact a question, her tone is never in the form of a question but in the form of a statement, as if it’s a pre-determined fact that we are going and that we will define a time.]

Me: “Sweetie, we don’t need to decide that this early.”

Her: “Dad, I want to invite friends and they need to know what time.”

Me: “Go ask your Mom; she’s the one that will take you.” [Editor’s Note: That’s always my fall back!]

Her: “Dad, Mom said to ask you.” [Editor’s Note: My 13 year old disputes this part of my story, but I’m sticking to it because that’s typically what does indeed happen in one of these exchanges.]

Me: “I’m not going to decide now.”

Her: “Fine, I won’t get you a Father’s Day present.”

It would really be cool if it ended there, because I know she didn’t mean it and I know she’ll get me something cool for Father’s Day.  But I said before, she wears me down.  In fact, all of my kids know that if they persist for hours, or days, or weeks, or even months, they will eventually get the answer they want.  My 13 year old did the same thing.  Within minutes, she was back in the office, annoying me again, driving towards that answer of a time and a commitment to go.

I gave in.  I always do.  I gave a time and made a commitment.  Fortunately, the days are long now and the weather is warm, so it can be after business hours and when the walk will really be beautiful.

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Avs win!  AVS win!!  AVS WIN!!!  My 13 year old daughter is on top of the world today as her Colorado Avalanche won game 6 last night, winning the series and moving on to the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  I just smile as I see her joy, because now her thoughts immediately turn to who we’ll play next – no rest and no mental relief for those that are true fans!  I got lucky though – she ended up screaming all night and not talking to me all night like she threatened.  But she did break away from the action and the screaming during the intermissions just to pop over and talk, taking a break from the high decibel squealing that she does, trying to recover for that brief down time. 

I must admit though…I have never heard it that loud in the Pepsi Center.  Near the end of the game after Minnesota had pulled its goalie, the referees held up play while they looked closely at the clock to make sure they had the exact time left for when the whistle blew.  The entire 18,000 or so Pepsi Center crowd was on it’s feet, screaming at the tops of their lungs in celebration of that coming victory.  The screaming was so loud, my ears were throbbing from the volume.  After a couple of minutes of waiting and screaming, the screams of joy turned to boos as the officials took so long to determine that another 1.5 seconds should be put on the clock.  So with 21 seconds left, the face off occurred, the fans screamed, and the Avalanche rewarded their faithful with an incredible 2-1 victory winning the series 4-2. 

I have season tickets for only one reason really – to experience this kind of joy with my fanatical 13 year old daughter, her 22 year old sister, and my wife.  The 3 of them find great joy (win or lose) in these games.  For me, I enjoy watching them have joy.  For my 20 year old son, he could care less unless it’s Anaheim beating the Avs – then he has great joy. 

The really good news?  More joy to come as the Avs now move forward to that next round!  My daughter’s passion stays in the now for at least a few more games this season!

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I’m rarely speechless…but I am right now.  I woke up this morning with my wife saying “get over here and look at your grandbaby”.  She pulled up a web site and in front of us were six beautiful pictures of the new life that will soon make her grand entrance into this world.  She’s definitely a little baby girl, and she’s definitely growing fast as our oldest daughter accomodates her growth and gets rounder by the day!  This picture is that gift of life, and through the marvel of 3D ultrasounds, we can see her personality already developing as she smiles, and yawns, and muses in the womb.  I wanted to share this with all of you – we are truly blessed!  For the two that created such a magnificent gift, we love you!

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My 13 year old daughter is an avid hockey fan – and this is her time – the hockey playoffs.  That’s all she talks about.  Annoyingly so.  Today is Game 6 of the best of 7 series between the Colorado Avalanche and the Minnesota Wild.  The Avalanche lead the series 3-2 after an incredible performance on the Minnesota ice earlier this week.  But tonight they are home, and thus my daughter’s very-similar-to-highly-caffeinated state as she gets pumped up for the game in her own special way.

Today will be filled with her popping into my office or rushing into the kitchen frequently with the latest news or the latest facts that she has to immediately share about the Avalanche.  Almost all of them will have virtually no meaning and create no excitement for me, but for her, any news is the most fascinating news of the year and something that must be immediately shared.  Earlier today, right after breakfast and just before her prolonged research about tonight’s game, the dialogue went something like this:

Her:  “Dad, do you prefer me screaming or talking the whole game?” [Editor’s Note:  Everything starts with “Dad” – every comment, every sarcastic remark, every story, every update.  When I was growing up, everything seemed to start with “but”, but not for my 13 year old.  Everything starts with “Dad”.]

Me:  “I don’t care.”

Her:  “Dad, I’m not going to leave till you tell me which you like better – screaming or talking.”

Me:  “Sweetie, I really don’t care.”

Her:  “Dad, I’ll just sit here till you tell me then.” [Editor’s Note: Nothing gets done when she “just sits here”.  That’s her way of saying “I’m going to irritate you till you give me an answer to my question.”]

Me:  “Fine, talking.” [Editor’s Note:  She wears me out with her relentless focus on getting an answer…I eventually always give in.]

Her:  “Dad, then I’ll spend all night talking to you at the game.”

There’s no winning here – and yet, it’s all winning.  We still have 8 hours till the game starts and in reality the game for her has already begun.  We’re all part of that game, and during the playoffs, that “game” is 24 hours a day as long as the Avalanche stay alive and on path for the Stanley Cup. 

I hope they keep winning, not just for them, but for me.  Though I act with indifference, it’s fun to see someone in this world with such great passion for anything!

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I spent most of today in San Diego – one of my favorite places to visit in the United States.  I can not remember a time when I visited here when the weather wasn’t spectacular, and it didn’t disappoint me today either.  But my story starts before I drove down to San Diego, when I was looking for my hotel yesterday 2 miles from John Wayne airport.  I got off the 405 South at MacArthur Boulevard, and I chose to turn left on MacArthur not knowing where the hotel was.  I went down a few blocks and turned left on Birch, pulling into another hotel parking lot to pull out the address.  In an unusual action by me (spurred on by a tight time frame to get to my business meeting), I called the number I had for the hotel to get directions.  The front desk of the hotel told me, “go back the other way on MacArthur which should be East and go about 2 miles till you get to Main Street and make a right.”  So I did just that…I went back the other way on MacArthur with my navigation system showing I was going East and drove till I hit Pacific Coast Highway.  Now I was in the Air Force, but even I know that if I hit PCH, I was driving West and not East.  So I called the hotel back and got the same guy at the front desk.  I said, “I’m at PCH and MacArthur” and he said, “you went the wrong way”!  I told him that was obvious and asked for directions.  He told me go back the same way I came and go past the airport a couple blocks and turn right on Main Street.  I went back the very same way I came and sure enough it was only about 4 blocks from where I was when I called the first time.

I was in a hurry for a meeting, so I really didn’t think about it that much.  But today, when the intensity and the drama of the meetings eased, I was tooling up the 405 going North this time and my navigation system told me I was going Southeast.  Now even though I was in the Air Force, I know that the 405 heading from Orange County to LAX goes either West or Northwest at that location.  So I began to watch my directional indicator.  As I made a couple of turns, the indicator went from Southeast to East to Northwest to South, in that order as I made a few turns.  It took me about 30 minutes of staring at that indicator while making turns on the 405 to realize that I’d been duped.  Sure enough, the car was telling me I was going East the whole time I was heading straight to the Pacific Ocean.

Once I realized that the indicators were wrong, I began to think about how dependent I am on technology and even other people to navigate my way through life.  I hate getting directions; in fact, I completely resist getting directions which was why it was so unusual for me to call for directions in the first place.  And the one time I do call for directions, he gives me good directions but the car guides me the wrong way!  The funny thing is that this isn’t the first and won’t be the last time I’m just 4 blocks from my destination and yet veer off on some dramatic deviation that takes me far off my path.  It happens in driving for me all the time, and it happens in business for me way too much to be comfortable.  Fortunately, in business, I’m typically rescued by one of the great folks that I’m teamed with and we get back on course together.  Unfortunately, in driving, I’m left wandering the local community looking for my destination and wasting precious time when I could be doing business!

I know how to fix this – get directions; call early when lost or confused; ask questions when you call to be clear on the path; follow the path to the letter; arrive at destination.  That seems to apply for both driving and business.  Of course, both can be de-railed and the destination not reached because of major detours!

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I get great contentment from writing, probably because it purges my mind while I flesh out things I’m thinking about.  But one thing I’ve always wanted to do but just haven’t seemed creative enough to make meaningful is to write poetry.  So I’ve decided to work on it – fits well with my current mid life crisis and the new things I’m trying!  Here’s one that captures some of my recent thinking.  It’s called “Contentment”:

I yearn for days now long gone by,

When heart and mind were still so young,

Each day brought challenge not yet faced,

Each journey like a song yet sung.

I yearn for days that still may come,

When heart and mind can finally rest,

Each day with memories rich in smiles,

From efforts made to give my best.

But now I’m challenged with today,

Both “when” and “then” so real to me,

I’m seeking lessons from my past,

While making memories long I’ll see.

From Christ we’re told “find joy in me”,

And scars are proof of His great love,

So “when” and “then” are in His hands,

I’ll find my peace in Him above.

I’ll hopefully get better with effort, so don’t be too critical on me yet!

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Back in March of 1997, Denise and I got our first home computer and our first email accounts on AOL.  By April and May, we were instant messaging each other from my remote work sites as we stayed in touch with each other during my many travels.  By the summer of 1999, I was instant messaging and sharing chat sessions with people around the world as I ran client operations in several countries at one time, and then also using internet initiated phone services to stay in touch with business partners and family.  In 2001 through 2003, I lived on my blackberry and cell phone as I was truly mobile with an office on one coast, our customer base on the other coast and my home in the middle.  From 2003 till now, I’ve used a blackberry extensively for email alerting, but almost all productive interactions occur through calls or through face to face meetings, with email typically used for advanced materials (no meaningful advanced dialogue) and any other form of collaborative tools not used at all.  In many ways I feel like I’ve regressed over the last 5 years in my business communications and collaboration as I’ve adapted my style to fit with the culture of the companies I’ve been part of.  But still lurking just under my current style of business interaction is that same desire for the intensity and intimacy of that communications and collaboration that I cherished so much in the past.

Just recently I was part of a conversation where folks were questioning the real value of multiple communications threads occurring at one time.  The assumption was that with that many threads occurring (let’s say 6 or more at any one time), none of the threads could truly be meaningful or represent any form of deep thought.  But I’ve personally witnessed and experienced the exhilaration that comes from having that many meaningful dialogues occurring at one time.  Our kids do this all the time as they’ve grown up with instant messaging, chat rooms and now text messaging.  We tend to broadly brush those conversations as “shallow” because they are kids, but in reality, each one of those threads may be as deep as they actually want to go.  Today, I know of $100M companies that are run virtually with a primary means of communication being instant messaging and web meetings.  Phone calls are primarily reserved for customer interactions, so they optimize their own time with each other by using today’s tools that allows them to have multiple threads as well as multiple collaborative environments.  I’ve monitored and participated in some of those “conversations”, and critical business decisions are made with deep understanding of the issues and the risks.  And these are folks of my generation that truly have the ability to multi-task and thus leverage the tools to accelerate business growth and increase team collaboration.

Our choice today is whether or not we want to participate and collaborate with such great intensity and such deep intimacy.  Lots of folks aren’t comfortable with that, but it sure seems like our world and our emerging team members are heading that way.  We definitely have the tools to do it.  And we certainly have the personality for it in our team members (who will eventually demand it).  I’ll chose the intensity and intimacy any time.

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I’ve been intrigued by leadership since I was a teenager.  Back then I was obsessed with military history books like “A Bridge too Far” and “The Longest Day”.  In those books, I was inspired by military leaders, and I was completely obsessed with the heroes whose stories came out so vividly.  The intrigue of my youth was transformed into a study of military leadership at the Air Force Academy and then even additional studies at Air Command & Staff College.  And then that passion for study of military leaders turned into a passion for studying business leadership as I moved from the military into business leadership roles. 

In the last decade, we’ve been blasted with a large number of books on business leadership that have educated all of us on the best practices of businesses and their business leaders today.  But I can’t remember a single book (although there has to be some) that I’ve read in the last decade (I’ve read what seems like thousands) that has focused on the critical importance of compatibility in the leadership team.  I remember lots of books and articles that focused on leaders, but I’m sensing a dramatic shift away from the importance of individuals in leadership roles towards a full understanding and mission compatibility of a leadership team for driving success.  The more I think about this the more I believe it relates directly to the new way of interacting and communicating that exists today driven by collaborative tools and information sharing that just didn’t exist in the decades before.  We have no excuse not to have a high level of understanding and intimate collaboration across and within an executive team today – that same level of communications and collaboration was awkwardly hard to achieve in years past.  Because of this, we can no longer afford to assess leadership only at the top; now, we need to assess leadership from a team understanding which is a much tougher challenge but a much greater reward if accomplished.

As I’ve watched many senior leadership teams today, I’ve begun to characterize the executive team into several different categories:

(1) Desperately seeking a clue – this unfortunate scenario occurs when the top guy (who may be a very good guy in other circumstances) is working overtime to act as a leader and the executives underneath are blindly following the leader not knowing any better or willfully respecting the leadership role of the top guy even if that respect is not earned or warranted;

(2) Sometimes we know too much – in this scenario, the leader and the executive team may have way too many clues and thus believe that the execution in the organization below will work exactly the way they think as long as they exert their leadership influence over that organization;

(3) Geez it’s good to be lucky – this leadership team makes decisions and moves on problems or opportunities with their fingers crossed and often times with their eyes closed, but for reasons typically beyond their control, the team is rewarded for their efforts

(4) Let the blessings flow – this is nirvana, where the leader is humble, collaborative, decisive, and knowledgeable; the executive team supporting the top guy is supportive, communicative, responsive, and shapeable; together, they are an unbeatable team in good times and bad; they listen for the whispers without creating them; they create and mutually support a growth vision, and they recruit and retain the very best people to join them on a journey defined by success

As you might imagine, nirvana is rare and often times situational.  Being lucky is obviously better than being clueless, and yet being lucky can lead an organization dangerously close to peril when that luck runs out.  Knowing too much will often times create great comfort in the overseers of an organization and yet when the knowing creates blind spots to the reality of execution in an organization, this too can lead to great danger as an organization attempts the impossible because of the great knowledge of those at the top.

Today, I live for those nirvanic moments when the leadership team is so intimate and nurturing with each other that no problem is too large, and no success is too celebrated.  I also cherish those times when the knowledge of any one individual is eclipsed by the brilliance of an entire team.  I’ll take the blessings anytime!

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