Musings at Altitude

My wife and daughter spent the last couple of days painting the biggest bedroom upstairs in preparation for my 15 year old invading it.  Here’s the color and a sense for the size:

 

The new inhabitant got to pick the paint scheme – this color blue on 3 of the walls, and then a much darker blue on the 4th wall.  I must admit, it looks really nice!

After painting for 2 days though, my nearly ancient but oh so beautiful wife is moaning and groaning from the after effects of all the exercise compressed into such a short period of time.  And to make it worse, with the painting done now, the furniture needs to be moved into the room. 

And I’m leaving town!  Very convenient on my part!

In one of my less than brilliant moves this morning, I asked, “When will you move the furniture into the room?”

Denise immediately popped back, “You expect me to move furniture when I can’t even lift my cup of coffee!”

I think she was serious!  I think I actually heard her muscles screaming and her body creaking all the way across the room!

And she thinks I don’t care.  I really, really do!

But thank goodness for business trips!

I know I’d get in lots more trouble if I hung around!

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I constantly seek feedback; in fact, I desperately want feedback.  I want to know how I’m doing.  I want to know if the things I’m doing are having the desired and anticipated affects on those that work for me and with me.  I want to know if the things I’m doing are in line with what’s expected of me by my bosses.  Ultimately, I want to know if I’m appreciated for who I am and what I do, and I want to see, hear, or feel clear evidence of that from those around me who are in a position to evaluate me or benefit from the work that I do or the actions I take.

As the daily work environment intensifies, the amount of feedback intensifies too.  I end up getting feedback all the time.  In every conversation, by the questions that are asked or the pointed comments made, I’m getting feedback.  In every response to an email, I’m being told if I was understood or if my topic of discussion was complete.  In every smile, scowl or turned head, I’m being told clearly how those closest to me are receiving the messages being sent or accepting the actions being taken.

But when that feedback comes – open, honest, very candid, sometimes brutal – when it’s not what I want to hear, I take it wrong.  I get frustrated because it’s not what I expected.  I go into a multi-day self-assessment, migrating my mood through the various phases of anger, then denial, then rationalization, and finally acceptance.  And then maybe at the end of that process something magical happens and I glean from that candid feedback the very thing I needed to learn in order to be better in my job and better as a person. 

Who the feedback comes from affects me too.  If the feedback comes from someone I greatly respect, the A-D-R-A process can be brutal…and it should be…because that is the feedback we embrace the most regardless of how much it hurts.  If the feedback comes from someone on the other end of the respect spectrum, the A-D-R-A process may be much shorter and quite muted…quickly dismissed because of the source…regardless of the accuracy or value of the comments.

I’m dwelling on this today because of the message that our Pastor provided this past Sunday.  He gave me feedback…not one on one…but one to many…and it was candid and brutal.  He preached from Luke 6:27-35:

But I tell you who hear me:  Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.  If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.  If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?  Even “sinners” love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you?  Even “sinners” do that.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you?  Even “sinners” lend to “sinners”, expecting to be repaid in full.  But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything in back.  Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

That really hit me hard…three days of thinking hard…three days of anger, denial, rationalization, and acceptance hard.

That’s feedback I didn’t want to hear from a very respected source that came at a time when I’m struggling with love for those who irritate me the most.

And this morning, the feedback received on Sunday was hammered home even further in my readings from Isaiah 42:18-20, 23:

Hear, you deaf;

   look, you blind, and see!

Who is blind but my servant,

   and deaf like the messenger I send?

Who is blind like the one committed to me,

   blind like the servant of the Lord?

You have seen many things, but have paid no attention;

   your ears are open, but you hear nothing.

Which of you will listen to this

   or pay close attention in time to come?

I struggle with listening.  I struggle with accepting this kind of honest feedback, even more so when it hits home at a non-coincidental time in my life and forces me to fully assess the way I’m behaving or things I’m doing.

But even I pay attention when the brutal feedback heard one day is hammered in from another source on another day.

Then I have to listen.

Then I have to change.

Then I have to accept.

That’s today.

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I sat on the front porch for my morning prayer today, enjoying the coolness of these early hours and feeling the mist floating around the yard from the sprinklers.

With all the rain last week, we didn’t need to water, but for the last three or four days, the rains passed us by and the hot sun beat down on the grass pretty heavily.  After only those few days without rain, you could see the affect on the yard as the color in certain areas started to change. 

So today, we turned the sprinklers back on.

As I sat on the front porch, mesmerized by the rotation of the water, I realized that I’m no different than that grass.  I too need nourishment.  I too feel the heat of this world beating down on me.  I too let that heat change my colors and affect the image that I portray to others. 

But just like the grass, I have my own source of nutrition and my own spiritual sprinkler system already set up for me.  I get nourished every morning by reading God’s word, and I get revived through my prayers and worship.  And if I listen carefully and embrace what is said, God uses that nourishment to change my colors and to show the world that vibrant shade of green that comes from a well nourished soul.

With a never ending source, that spiritual water is always there.  Unfortunately, too often, I turn that spiritual sprinkler system off, and the burnt spots quickly become visible in my life. 

It’s time to water more often.

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My daily Bible reading took me to this passage this morning – Isaiah 40:28-31:

Do you not know?

   Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

   the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

   and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary,

   and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

   and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord

   will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

   they will run and not grow weary,

   they will walk and not be faint.

It’s hard not to be comforted when I read this passage.

It’s hard not to be assured and affirmed.

It’s hard not to be uplifted and motivated.

So this morning, I’m all of these and more.

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I spent yesterday helping my son get some furniture into his condo.  Bare essentials actually.  A couch, a dining room table, a desk, some chairs and a lamp.  All stuff that we had stuffed away in two small storage sheds.  Things we’re paying quite a bit (monthly storage fee) to hold on to, but certainly things that we will most likely never use again.  Things we constantly talk about taking out of storage and getting rid of, but things that seem to remain in the family regardless, and the monthly costs keep adding up.

But yesterday we needed that stuff in storage.  The desk, dining room tables, and chairs were in storage.  And for the first time in probably about a year, we went over and opened the two small sheds and sorted through what we had to find those few things that he needed.

Sure enough, we ended up having to pull out everything in one of the sheds in order to get to the couch that we needed.  And we didn’t need the couch for him, but instead we needed it for us, because we were giving him the couch that we had in our living room.  And the things we were pulling out weren’t those very light, easy to carry things you find around the house, it included one big dresser and worst of all, a Captain’s Bed used by my 15 year old when she was younger that weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,000 pounds.  Seriously.  Either it weighed a thousand pounds or I can’t lift the things I could when I was younger.  OK…please don’t comment on that. 

So we took the very comfortable couch that was perfect for “lounging” and gave it to him.  Then we took the very comfortable chair that matched the very comfortable couch and moved it up into my 15 year old’s room, leaving us with absolutely nothing to sit on in the main level living room area of our house.  Thus the need to pull things out of our furniturial history in order to keep people off the floor or out of our kitchen (the only other close sitting area).

By late afternoon, we had all the stuff in his condo, and then by early evening had our house rearranged to accommodate the new, yet old, furniture that we needed to fill the holes left in our living room.

So, the not-so-comfortable couch –

and the not-so-comfortable chairs –

are back in our living room.

Some would say that this is the classic example of why you keep all that old stuff stored away in fairly expensive and environmentally protected facilities.  For this very reason.  For that one time in the future when you need that specific piece of furniture, and thus don’t have to buy a new one. 

But I’m doing some simple math now.  We pay $50 per month per shed, so $100 a month total to keep these things.  We’ve had that not-so-comfortable (yet very flowery) couch in that shed for 3 years now, paying $3,600 in that three years to store the couch, that Captain’s Bed, and various other things that we will most likely never use again.  So, for $3,600, we kept that couch for just this occasion, and now have it back in use again.  And it’s very likely that we could have found a perfectly good couch at furniture row here in town for less than $500.

So, my simple math tells me that we’ve spent $3,600 for three years to save $500.

It’s time to get rid of the storage units.

PS.  Denise has been telling me this for at least 30 of the 36 months we’ve had them.  One of these days I’ll start listening.

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I just landed in Los Angeles, bringing my total flight miles on United to 999,173.  On Thursday, I’ll add another 862, crossing that 1,000,000 mile mark.

I’m trying to put this in perspective:

• that’s more than 40 times around the world
• that’s the distance to the moon and back – TWICE!
• at 60 mph, that would be 694.4 days of driving
• that’s 5,000,000 drives by Tiger Woods (with a driver)
• that’s 2,000 hours in the air (not counting taxiing to and from the terminal) or one full business year
• that’s about 100 years of walking every single day

Now that I think about it, that’s a long way and a long time to be in an airplane.

And that’s only United.

I’d hate to add Delta, American, Frontier, Alaskan and others.

That’s a wow!

PS.  wiki.answers.com is a great thing!

PSS.  I’m not even 50 yet.

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Many decades ago when I was in school, one of my math teachers asked this question on an exam:  “If you jumped off a building and are rapidly falling to the earth, do you mathematically ever hit the ground”?

As I worked hard with whatever formulas I could pull out of my pea sized brain back then, I quickly realized that it was irrelevant.  The undeniable carnage that would be left if the jump was from a great height or the broken bones that would occur from a shorter height told me that whether you hit mathematically or not, you most certainly felt some pain!  [Editor’s Note:  Many of you can imagine me working through the process of figuring out a constantly shrinking distance that never reaches zero…I think my brain is still fried from that one.]

This morning I was faced with a very similar dilemma.  For the last week, we’ve had a new shampoo bottle carefully positioned outside the shower for that inevitable day when the one currently being used ran out. 

A week ago, it was near empty.  Yesterday, it was still near empty, and after another shower, we finally threw the old one away and let the new one finally do its job.

That got me thinking.  In the same spirit as the math question above, “When you’re nearing the bottom of a shampoo bottle (or the last of a tube of toothpaste), does the shampoo (or the toothpaste) ever really run out”? 

I have to say adamantly, “NO”!

Some things most certainly hit “empty”, like a checking account when that last dollar is spent.  Or a gas tank when the engine stops (though you could argue there is most likely still some drops somewhere in the tank). 

But so many other things always seem to have that one last squeeze, or roll, or pump, or shake in it.

Many of us go all the way to that bitter end, desperately wanting that very last use of whatever product we may be using.

But yesterday, I gave up on both a bottle of shampoo and a tube of toothpaste.  Too much work to get one more day out of either the bottle or the tube!

And today I feel good!  New bottles and new tubes!  It’s a new day, and a new week!

Life is good!

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Everyone who lives in Colorado should be very afraid now.  My 15 year old is now officially learning how to drive and within a couple of months she’ll be out on the roads. 

Her excitement to be driving is obvious, but before she gets to flaunt her skills (or lack thereof right now), she has to be tutored and then tested by the best Driver’s Ed teacher of all time.

Denise has an incredible skill and patience for teaching our kids to drive.  I’ve tried a couple times and ended up screaming at the kids or putting my head between my knees in preparation for the inevitable crash.  Neither was conducive to helping the kids learn, and the training was quickly taken back by my wife before either the kids or I was injured from the driving or the smacks that would eventually occur back and forth.

So I got to watch closely today while the student was trained by the master.  In fact, I probably learned a few things that I need to pay attention to as well!  I was once again amazed at the patience and very nurturing style of teaching that Denise provided, and I was even more impressed with the way in which my 15 year old responded to the teaching and accepted the feedback, even when she was doing things wrong!

But I must admit, I feel sorry for my car!  She has over 217,000 miles on her now, and though still in really good shape, she’s the obvious choice for the “training car” since we have the least to lose if for some reason my daughter freaks out and wrecks the car.  As the training vehicle of choice, she’s going to have to live with the brake checks, slams into the curbs, rapid acceleration, and 18 tries in a very short period of time to put her into a parking spot.  Fortunately, she’s an automatic, so she won’t have to experience the grinded gears or the stalls!

But back to my daughter.  She’s most certainly excited about driving, but I’m not very excited for her to be driving!  Though I got my permit when I was 14 and had my license at 15, she still seems way too young to be driving, and I can’t even come close to imagining me driving way back then when I was 14!

We’ll struggle through this though, with me cowering in the back seat taking pot shots at the student driver, and my wife sitting up in the co-pilot seat being the nurturing and supportive trainer that she always is.  And my 15 year old will continue to ignore me just like she has most of her life and focus on the one person that has the “pass or fail” determination for when she moves from the parking lot to the roads and then ultimately from the roads to the status of “licensed driver”.

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As Denise and I were sitting on the front porch this evening, enjoying the cool breeze of the evening, staring at the stars, drinking a glass of wine, and listening to our soft rocks hit coming through the window, this song started playing – I Believe in You.

As I listened to the words, the chorus went like this:

Follow your heart

Let your love lead through the darkness

Back to a place you once knew

I believe, I believe, I believe in you.

Follow your dreams

Be yourself an angel of kindness

There’s nothing that you cannot do

I believe, I believe, I believe in you.

As I listened to those words, I thought back to the “graduation ceremony” we had for two summer interns that worked with our company these last six weeks.  Both young ladies were courageous enough to come to a part of the country that they’d never been before.  One had never been out of Alaska and the other had never been to Colorado.  Neither had ever been to Washington DC, and we sent both of them to our nation’s capital in the 4th week so they could meet members of the Congressional delegation of the states where we have business.  One Senator took pictures with both and then mentioned how privileged he was to meet them during a Congressional hearing.  We framed those pictures with his signature and his personal message to them, and we presented them to both young ladies today as well. 

Both of these young ladies showed me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they will succeed brilliantly in this world in whatever capacity they choose.  One wants to focus on human resources, and she has the perfect outgoing personality and temperament to do just that.  The other wants to be in business operations, and with her zeal to learn and her passion for understanding business, I have every reason to believe that she too will be successful.

As we said goodbye today, I smiled in knowing that this wouldn’t be the last time we made contact.  Both of them through this program took steps that will lead them down that path to business success. 

To Whitney and Megan, I challenge you to follow your dreams, be an angel of kindness, there’s nothing you can’t do.

I believe in you!

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THANK YOU!!!!

For those who sent emails and made comments, thank you!

My sister, who is soon to a half century old (happy birthday!) weighed in with some wonderful wisdom:

1. God is in ultimate control.  He’s promised that He will work out all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28
2. There is a reason that He is God and we’re not.  God’s thoughts are not our thoughts; our ways are not God’s ways (Isaiah 55:8).  We can’t see the whole picture.  He can and we have to trust Him.
3. When a struggle comes down to a perceived lack of control, then the real issue may be a pride issue. 

I’m grateful for the reminder that I’m not supposed to understand all things, and I’m certainly not supposed to control all things.  We do have a Creator who understands all and controls all…we need to trust Him and relinquish our need to control to His will and His plan.

Others weighed in too.

A good friend thousands of miles away asked me if what I was pondering and questioning so hard really needed to be figured out.  She reminded me to take some deep breaths and “be done with it”!  In subsequent emails, she reminded me of coworkers and friends who are struggling with cancer and come in every single day with a smile on their faces.  Their struggles sure make my “lack of control” something very trivial.  Their ability to smile in the midst of such dramatic challenge to their own lives makes my desire to get my way something very selfish.

And then a coworker and faithful muser on life reminded me that in every previous struggle, something very positive resulted.  Why would this time be any different?  If every other time in my life, the struggle turned into something special, why in the world would I get so distressed about the struggle this time?  I smiled as he walked by and gave me a thumbs up today, remembering his comments and recognizing how true it is.

So this evening I’m sitting out on my front porch, looking very geeky as I post this blog from my laptop.  My wife is sitting next to me playing her games on her iPod and my 15 year old is sitting next to her working on her powerpoint presentation of the “Top 50 Hottest Celebrity Guys”.  We have soft rock favorites blasting out my office window so everyone passing by can hear it.  Folks must think we’re a very bizarre family, but they must see the smiles on each of our faces from the fairly significant glow coming off the laptops and iPod!

Once again, I am so grateful for each of those who took time late last night and today to remind me of where my focus ought to be.  I appreciate the candor and the honesty, and most of all, I appreciate the love and the friendship.  That in itself is a smack upside the head that brought me back out of the funk.

PS.  And I’d like to say a special thanks to my wife who simply said, “Come on home and I’ll smack you.”  She always does, and it always works!

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