Musings at Altitude

For the second night in a row, I’m struggling with sleep.  Once again, wheezing…hacking…tossing and turning…and eventually getting out of bed and tip toeing to the sanctuary of my office…hoping I don’t wake up my wife or daughter…sitting in the dark office with only the glow of the monitor lighting up the room…playing music at barely enough volume but plenty to hear the words and be inspired. 

It’s well after midnight now, and I’m pondering the things that happened during the day.  I wonder if I said the right things or reacted in the right ways.  I wonder if I positively impacted any of those that crossed my path today.  I wonder if I took any meaningful action towards resolution of the myriad of issues that sit ominously on the horizon.  I wonder if I moved any of those seemingly immovable objects that act like giant barriers to any sense of accomplishment that may come.

I think back on every conversation…the words that were said…the words left unsaid…the concerns voiced…the commitments made…the opportunity enabled…and sometimes, the optimism created.  I remember clearly the times that I wish I had said something different…the words I did say just didn’t come out right, creating confusion or concern when there should have been understanding and acceptance.  I worry about each one of those.  But I also remember the times when the words just flowed, perfectly aligned with the message in my head and delivered with a sense of clarity that doesn’t happen nearly enough anymore.  Those make me smile.

As I continue to think back on all the events of today, I let myself get totally absorbed in the music – “I’m coming back to the heart of worship”.  As the song ended this time, I looked down to my desktop, and in the faint glow from the monitor, this verse from Matthew 6:27 jumped out at me – “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”  What a wonderful and so very true message. 

My restlessness is now turning to peace, and it’s time to go to sleep.  And what a wonderful song from Nichole Nordeman to send me off to some much needed rest – Gratitude –

Daily bread, give us daily bread

Bless our bodies, keep our children fed

Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up and warm us through

Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs

Let us slumber safe from danger’s view this time

Or maybe not, not today

Maybe You’ll provide in other ways

And if that’s the case…

We’ll give thanks to You

With gratitude

A lesson learned

To hunger after you.

Amen and good night.

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It was a wonderful day…6 people baptized at church…from young children to ladies that have much of their lives behind them…all 6 confidently stating their lives had been changed…and all publicly professing that commitment to Christ through baptism.  

Our sermon was out of Luke 9, where Christ asked, “who do the people say I am” and then “who do you say I am”.  Peter quickly replied, “you are the Christ of God”, and yet only a short time later he would deny he even knew Jesus as Jesus was taken away to die. 

I followed that very emotional time of worship with a round of golf with my son in law who is visiting from Beaumont, TX, and his father and one of his cousins.  The course was magnificent as we played 18 holes in one of the most majestic locations of God’s absolutely stunning creation.  Near as I can tell, I lost 9 golf balls, straying from the straight and narrow and seeking that shorter path that always led to a higher number of strokes per hole than I would have otherwise recorded.  If I had played irons all day, I’m fairly certain I could have cut 27 strokes off my round.  But I didn’t.  Nope.  I had to pull out the oh-so-manly driver, 3 wood, and fairway wood, and whack away, and then hang my head as the ball would veer off it’s intended course and head straight into the woods.  But I was rewarded about 1 out of 6 times with that awesome feeling that comes when one goes where it was intended, and because of that, I kept going back to the bag, pulling those same clubs, and seeking that same but oh so rare result.

And with an awesome day behind me, I went to sleep assuming I’d find the rest that my body so desperately needed.  But I didn’t find that rest. 

Instead, it’s 2:00 am in the morning and I’m in my office at home…restless…wheezing…coughing…knowing I need sleep but not finding it right now.

So I stumbled to my office to kill some time during this sleepless stupor and I went to one of my favorite web sites – http://tonymorganlive.com/.  I scanned down through the recent posts and found this one – Zac’s Story.  Zac is 32 years old, and he’s got cancer.  He’s had one surgery to remove 2 feet of intestines, but the cancer is relentless and has now spread to other organs.  He’s not expected to live till he’s 34.  He’s desperately trying to “finish well”, knowing that his time here on earth is coming to an end, and in that desperation, he wants young people to know that they shouldn’t squander the talents or the time that God has provided to each of us.  He ends with, “Our time is short, my friend, let’s get to work.”

As I listen to Zac’s story over and over again, his message is ringing in my ears – “our time is short, let’s get to work.” 

Today, I needed to wander in the wilderness in search of golf balls that I would never find.

In these early hours of this new day, I needed to be reminded that a path and plan has already been provided – Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”

Our time is short.  Let’s get to work.

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I had more than 3 dozen oysters last night – 2 dozen grilled, and the rest raw.

I had a crawfish omelet for breakfast this morning.

I had a tuna sandwich with sweet potato fries for lunch.

And I just had catfish and hushpuppies for dinner.

This has been 24 hours of good-to-be-back-home eating, and each meal was shared with folks that have become great friends and wonderful clients.

And to finish off this visit, I received a very special gift:

It’s the ultimate tool for a tailgate party – a knife, a bottle opener, a steak flipper, and who knows what else!

I can’t wait to get home and try it out on my grill!

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As the plane headed up to altitude today, I pulled out my iPod, anxious to listen to some Mercy Me songs I had recently downloaded.  I had my eyes closed, prayed for a while, listened closely to the words, lost in the music and the worship and completely oblivious to the things going on around me.

When I finally looked up after what must have been 15 or 20 minutes, the “in flight entertainment” had started.  A show called “Time Warp” was playing on the video monitor not more than three feet from my face.  My iPod was still on with the music playing, and yet I was intrigued by the show.  After watching for a few minutes, I realized that I had missed a couple songs on the iPod, and even though I had no sound from the video and only sound from the iPod, I had no clue what just played.  As I then focused on the iPod and listened intently to the words of the songs, even though I stared at the video screen, the images on the screen weren’t registering and after a few minutes of that I realized I had lost track with the plot or focus of the show.

That got me thinking about multi-tasking again.  I CAN’T.  Even as I type this, I have my iPod blaring in my ears and I just realized that by focusing on what I’m typing I have completely lost track of what’s playing on the iPod and now I’ve missed a couple of songs again.

That got me thinking even more.  I spent over 6 hours on the phone yesterday, much of that time in operating company reviews and board meetings.  I was fortunate enough to be on a conference bridge from home office, only by voice and not by video.  And while the discussion was going on quite passionately by the other participants in Alaska and Northern Virginia, I was attempting to do other work and catch up on the enormous number of tasks that had gotten left behind during the myriad of lengthy meetings I had in the previous days.  As I reviewed spreadsheets and presentations about those other issues, I realized that I’d lost track of the conversation on the phone even though I’d heard every word but not listened to any of them.  So I’d reengage on the conference call and focus intently on what was being said until another trigger of some kind got me thinking about a different issue and then my mind would wander away from the call and focus once again on the item in front of me on the laptop.

So that got me thinking even more than more because those on that call and those bombarding me with emails or text messages all wanted my undivided attention.  Their issues were very important to them and they expected that same level of attention and importance from me.  But I didn’t do any of them justice and certainly didn’t show any appropriate level of concern about their issues while I was floating in and out of attention and being constantly distracted or diverted when I needed to be intimately focused on them.

As I sit here now thinking this through, I’ve missed another couple songs on the iPod even though it’s been loudly playing all along and it’s on my favorite play list, and I’ve missed about 5 minutes of the in flight video even though it’s visible only 3 feet from my face and it was a very intriguing show.  In addition, I’ve missed the cabin crew pass by twice, once with snacks and once with beverage refills as I’ve focused down on this blog and been completely oblivious to the people passing by and the activities all around me.  I do look up though when they tap me on the shoulder and break my train of thought, and then I have to take a few seconds to get back on message when I get what they offer and then focus back on the typing at hand.

The more I ponder this now, the more I realize that I am a single sensory input guy.  If I see something intriguing, I intently watch, but I miss the sounds.  If I hear something intriguing, I listen intently but then I miss many of the visual queues happening all around.  If I smell something intriguing, I quit listening and start looking, seeking out where it’s coming from and lose track of anything I hear around me.  No two of these senses seem to act in perfect unison…they seem to flip back and forth, rapidly enough to possibly compliment each other but certainly not timed so perfectly that they create synergy and synchronicity.

And the more I ponder, the more I wonder how many things I’ve missed or how many people I’ve impacted while I try to multi-task knowing that I can’t.  For example, when I’m reading that email message that came in on the blackberry during that critical decision briefing on priority of spending or needed personnel actions, what did I miss while I was reading and responding rather than listening and contributing?  Or, even more scary, when I’m heatedly talking on the phone while driving to anywhere, and I get to my destination not remembering anything I passed along the way, who might have been adversely impacted by my focus on the conversation and my complete lack of attention to driving?

Many, many, many folks have told me that I can’t do two things at once and certainly can’t focus on what’s being said if I have anything else going on around me.  My wife will actually quit talking now if I zone out on her and zone into something else.  When I give her the courtesy of reengaging, then she might start talking again.   At work, folks haven’t taken that same approach, but after doing this brief study today at altitude, maybe they should as well.  It wouldn’t take me long to realize the impact I was having on all those around me if they too quit talking or sat patiently waiting for me to give them the courtesy of focusing on their issues rather than the myriad of less important issues happening all around me.

Unfortunately, I don’t think the world is going to help me out on this issue.  While I need to focus more, technology is giving us more tools to provide more distractions rather than less.  While I need to shrink the number of senses feeding me input at any one time, technology is bombarding us with more video, more messaging, more audio, more imagery, and all at the same time.

At a time where assimilation of multi-sensory information is critical and being able to multi-task is more important than ever, I obviously can’t.

That’s somewhat disturbing to me for some reason right now.

PS. As I finish this now, I realize “Amazing Grace” by Il Divo is on the iPod and the flight attendants are cleaning up the cabin.  Graciously, they still brought me another cup of coffee even though things were all put away.  Thankfully, “through many dangers, toils and snares…grace has brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.”

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During my recent trip to Alaska, I received a wonderful gift - four jars of Cajun Salmon!  All four jars made it safely to Colorado yesterday, sealed tightly, double wrapped in socks and packed in my checked baggage!

Two of the jars made for an awesome lunch yesterday (only 5 hours after getting home), and I’m sure the remaining two will be gone by this weekend.

Tonight, I’ll get to compare the wonderful flavor of home prepared Cajun Salmon of Alaska with the restaurant prepared Cajun Salmon in Baton Rouge! 

I can’t help but smile when I think about getting Cajun Salmon in Alaska, eating it in Colorado, then comparing it to Cajun Salmon in Louisiana only 60 hours after getting it in Alaska!  Three time zones, three days, and 3,500 miles difference…yet sampling the very same thing made in very different ways!

It is a small world!

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I was in the Red Carpet Club this morning at the Denver airport and visited the facilities.  While in there, a gentleman, notably deep and passionate in dialogue on a business meeting, walked in, used the urinal, flushed, and then walked out, never once stopping his stream of consciousness and apparently never once letting anyone else talk.  The entire time he spent in the facilities had to be less than 30 seconds.

I stood there stunned, because I can’t imagine doing that.  Here are some options that could have been considered:

(1) put it on mute and let someone else talk

(2) put the meeting on hold for those few moments and let everyone else take the same advantage of their own facilities

(3) wait till the call was concluded and then take an appropriate amount of time to use the facilities and wash up afterwards

I’m sure there are many more options, but I’m still too stunned to think of the rest.

I wonder what everyone else was thinking on the other end of the call as the toilets and urinals flushed all around him.

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I stand amazed at the people I meet and the things that motivate them.  I also just keep smiling at the stories they tell and the mentoring they do.  I find mentors in so many places now, giving me that much needed perspective on what is important in life and also through their stories and parables giving me those words of wisdom that help me keep my own life and trials and frustrations in perspective.

Tonight was no different.  The bar of the hotel was unusually quiet…very abnormal for this time of the summer in Anchorage…it’s always busy…typically too busy…and typically way to hectic to have any sense of a normal conversation with the bar manager…but thank goodness tonight was different…it was just me and her…she from the midwest and me from the deep south.

She’s up in her years, moving to Anchorage to be near her daughter, and working two jobs for many of the last 10 years but now only working one as she gets closer to retirement.  Her only bills are her rent and her car payment, and she keeps a nice car because as she says, “she deserves it”.  She was the youngest of 10 kids, adopted into a family of long livers.  Once a year she heads back down to the lower 48 to visit her family, spread out across the midwest.  Her oldest living sibling is a brother at 92, still driving and still mowing his lawn.  He was forced to retire because according to his doctors his heart couldn’t take it and yet he just keeps on ticking.  She’s also got sisters at 86, 83, and 82, all of which get together as often as possible and visit the casinos together.  Her youngest living yet older sister is 78, and she’s had multiple heart surgeries.  She finally went to the Mayo Clinic though, and lo and behold, she’s now kicking too and looking forward to a couple more decades of life.  The 78 year old has 12 kids of her own…staggering as I think about it.

As for our bartender, she just got a pacemaker, and sure enough she’s kicking perfectly again.  She keeps us all straight, and she’s been here for a decade now, so she knows all the regulars! 

This one fascinating lady gave me perspective tonight, talking about her brothers and sisters and their cumulative 460+ years of living.  And she kept talking and I kept listening as guests began to show up.  She nimbly went from asking, “where did you go fishing” to talking about bear sightings to talking about weather, and then she’d stop back by and talk some more about her family.  And the whole time she was mentoring and educating me, and she probably didn’t even know it.

She’ll be heading south soon for another two week break in the lower 48 and she’ll be able to meet her great grand niece who is now 4 pounds 8 ounces and still in the hospital.  She’ll be coming home soon and I can’t imagine what it will be like to have that little bitty baby meet her great great uncle at 92 and great great aunt at 86 and this fascinating lady who is tending bar in Anchorage and waiting anxiously for that time she can hold that new life in her hands and welcome her appropriately into this very loving and yet very extended family.

When that child is 8, that great great uncle will be 100…certainly still mowing his lawn, and full of the mentoring that can only come from someone who has lived a century and through the collective experiences of a loving family has experienced life in its fullest!

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When I need to relax, clear my head, or cool off (I do work out every now and then), I head out into the courtyard of the hotel I’m staying at in Anchorage.  I’ve been out here two different times today, catching up on emails one time and then cooling off after a workout this time. 

During the first visit, I felt like I was sitting at the end of a runway as float planes came over constantly (at least one every other minute for about a half hour stretch), doing touch and goes on the lake across the street from the hotel.  This one got pretty close:

Since my room is on that side of the hotel and it’s light here till long after normal human beings go to bed, the approach patterns onto the lake seem continuous all the way up until the west coast SportsCenter comes on (for you that don’t religiously watch it like I do, that’s 9:00 pm here in Anchorage). 

But during the second visit this evening, I noticed that the planes were getting just a bit more daring in their approaches:

If I had been out on the balcony of my room for this second plane, I have no doubt I could have cast a rod and caught the biggest fish I’d ever catch in my life.  That’s how close it was to the hotel.

The closer they get, the more curious I am. 

Next time I come up, I think I want to ride in one!

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I’m sitting in the courtyard of the hotel right now, looking every bit of the geek that my 15 year old accuses me of being.  And for some reason, I’m thinking forward right now.  And I’ve come to the following conclusions:

1. I’m closing in on 49 right now, giving me about 25 more learning years in front of me; once I hit 74 though, I want to transition from someone learning to someone instead spouting ultimate wisdom to my children who will have 25-35 more years of learning ahead of them; and because they will have nothing but respect for me in that advanced age, they will most certainly cherish everything I say and in turn pontificate on my sayings to their kids as well
2. My car is closing in on 220,000 miles now, and I figure that she’ll be closing in on 800,000 or so by the time I hit 74; of course, between now and then I’ll have tried to pawn her off on any of my grandchildren that would want such a wonderful vehicle, and I fully expect each of them to say, “why in the world would I want that when my mom and dad are buying me a BMW?”; I’ll give my usual, “but she’s a great car” and they’ll respond with, “and she’s about to explode”, and I’ll keep driving her waiting for that horrific day that she does indeed stop in the middle of the highway and that day will inevitably never come since all of us are waiting for it; so I need to figure out what kind of car I want to buy when I do indeed stop learning and start spouting and need the wonderful ride of a wise man rather than a learning man
3. Our house is approaching 8 years old, so at the time that I quit learning and start spouting, we’ll have just recently then paid off the mortgage; near as I can tell, by that time we’ll have paid the actual cost to build the home at least 5 or 6 times, and padded the pockets of several financial institutions that may or may not then exist since I think one or two of them may not even exist today; that 6,000 square feet that wasn’t nearly enough for the five of us when we moved in will have become a virtual mansion by the time I quit learning and only the two of us spend our time in about 1,200 of those 6,000 square feet; but by then, we may have about 3,000 pigeons living with us (judging by the numbers that are growing on our roof today), and we could easily let them have the 2,000 feet in the basement to nest; as our children have their own children, they could fit comfortably in the 3 bedrooms upstairs, so the basement would become a family museum or very expensive storage, one or the other; at the pace that my wife and I are deteriorating (strictly based on the way either one of us are today after just a tad bit of exercise), by the time I’m 74, we’ll need a lift system to get me up and down the stairs, and instead of suffering with that, I’d instead never leave the main floor; after all, what more would I need than my office, the bedroom, the kitchen, two bathrooms, the front porch and the back deck
4. Since I’ve had 7 different jobs in the last 12 years, I figure I have 14 more jobs in these next 25 years, thus giving me the chance to influence or be influenced (positively or negatively in either case) by another few thousand people in numerous states across this great land and several different countries around this amazing world; since speaking a new language is probably something far out of the realm of reality for me, I’ll have to focus on English speaking nations or at least international locales where English is a primary language of communications; and since my wife will almost certainly not leave her current home, I can expect to add another 2,000,000 or more air miles to my current 2,000,000, thus bringing me to that rarified group of people that have traveled in the air the equivalent of going to the moon and back 8 times

As I think through each of these now, none of these seem out of the realm of possibility…don’t know if that’s wonderfully exciting or staggeringly sad!

But I must admit that I’m excited for whatever the future entails.  I have so many stories and lessons from my first 27 years of professional life that I can’t even really grasp how many more will pile on in these next 24! 

I just hope my little bitty brain can push enough stuff out to allow some more stuff in!

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On rare days, for some strange and unknown but probably not so coincidental reason, everything seems to be perfectly aligned:

It’s a little bit gloomy today, a bit drizzly too in spots.

But I’m smiling.

I have my morning quad grande soy with whip caramel machiato, and the labels are lined up with the drinking spout on the lid, and life is good!

It’s hard not to smile when things are pefectly aligned.

It’s hard not to smile when the prayers before every meeting resulted in patience and softness in the discussion that would not have happened otherwise.

It’s hard not to smile when the daily Bible readings have direct meaning to the issues that I’m facing and calm is provided in advance of any possible storms.

And it’s hard not to smile when I’m over 2,500 miles away from my family and yet I’m just a text message, phone call or fun picture away from the counsel and love that I need when I feel the burdens of this world pressing down on me and desperately seek that reassurance that comes from family and close friends.

Life is good.

It’s hard not to smile!

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