Musings at Altitude

It was 20 years ago when I first heard The Dance by Garth Brooks.  Back then, I listened to the song over and over again, memorizing that very last line – “My life is better left to chance; I could have missed the pain; but I’d have had to miss the dance.”

I remember thinking how extremely relevant that song was to so many aspects of life – to relationships, to jobs, to activities, to events.  Everything seems to start with great promise and great smiles and great hope and great excitement.  But many sadly end in pain. 

I’ve listened to that song over and over again since 1989, because of the reminder that the pain of today could have been avoided, but then the smiles of yesterday would never have happened.

And I heard the song on the radio again last night.

And I smiled.

Because it once again reminded me that I too could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.

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There’s nothing quite like taking two little children out for pictures, even more so when one is 13 months and the other 5 months! 

During the first session, it seemed like they did the perfect poses with the perfect smiles when the photographer was off doing something else!

So I snuck in a picture while he was off changing cameras:

This is a keeper!

And so are the two more than adorable grandkids!

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I joined the ranks of the 49 year olds yesterday.

And I’m paying the price now (3:00 in the morning) for eating the birthday cake late in the evening!

That’s part of being 49 too I guess.

The body doesn’t process things like it used to.

And being up late at night is the body’s way of giving me time to ponder.

And with almost a half century of memories swirling in the brain, I need lots of time to ponder.

I’ve figured out that the shelf life of memories in my already over-crowded brain is just a few months.

There’s just no room.

It’s completely full.

So those things I remember now were sensational enough to push out something else and to latch on to some fiber of my memory.

That’s not true for others in my family.

My son was telling me this weekend about a game we went to together back in the 90’s.

I have no recollection at all.

My daughter tells me things she remembers when she was just a toddler…A TODDLER!

I don’t remember her being a toddler.

My wife remembers everything I’ve done my entire life that deserved flowers or jewelry.  EVERYTHING!

And we started dating over 32 years ago.

Maybe that’s why I’m crotchety…when you can’t remember things, it’s a lot easier to want things done the same way or have things in the same place…all the time.

Maybe that’s why I change jobs every year or two (at the most)…when you can’t remember things, it’s a lot easier to start something new than try and remember why you’re in that situation to begin with.

Maybe that’s why I hear a song for the upteenth time and still can’t remember the words…when your mind is already maxed out with those few things that have meaning, it’s not desirable to remember things that don’t have immediate relevance.

It’s not all bad.

Since I don’t remember much, I can hear the same story time and time again and still experience the surprise and the emotion like it’s the very first time.

Since I don’t remember much, every time I tell a story it gets a new spin, and the experiences I’ve had in life seem incredibly richer over time.

Since I don’t remember much, it’s hard to dwell on those little things that may create great depression in others.  Those painful memories just aren’t very poignant in a memory-strained mind.

But explain to me this – the things I do remember don’t seem to make any sense at all.

I remember certain phone numbers but can’t remember the one’s I dial the most.

And those that I do remember, I can recall years later after not contacting that person during that time.

And yet, I forget my zip code…something I must have written hundreds or thousands of times.

I remember exactly where I put something, but sometimes I don’t remember what I put there.

I remember exactly who I called, but often times I have no memory of why I called them.

I remember the name of the restaurant I ate at, but I have no clue how to get there.

So here I sit pondering…remembering things, and yet not remembering things.

Thank goodness I have those around me who remind me constantly of what I said or did.

Thank goodness I have those around me who give me directions to get to a place that I’ve been to countless times.

Thank goodness I have those around me who act like my on line phone book and give me phone numbers for those who I’ve called many times and yet still need to be reminded of their phone numbers.

And thank goodness I have those around me who remind me of those special moments that I’m supposed to remember allowing me to focus on those things that I absolutely have to remember.

If I’m this bad now, I wonder what it will be like at the latter part of the next half century!

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I heard an amazing stat on ESPN last night…since the 2006 season, the mighty, mighty Trojans have lost six games during the regular season, all to unranked opponents and all games that should have been won.  I remember the Stanford game; and the Oregon State game; and now the Washington game.  Each game was a great win for the big time underdog of the Trojans, and each was a crushing loss for a “top 5” program that should be competing for the national championship every single year.

So this loss got me thinking…what causes teams to be so well prepared and execute so powerfully in “the big games” and then come up short in the games that no one expects them to lose?  And this question certainly isn’t limited to sports either, because I’ve know businesses to compete so perfectly for “the big contracts” and then come up so embarrassingly short on the ones that they were supposed to win.

There are some obvious quick answers:

1. looking ahead to the supposedly tougher opponent that’s next on the horizon
2. taking this particular opponent for granted, expecting to win
3. letting up in this particular game, thinking you can win without a peak performance

All of these “answers” fall into the rise-up-and-get-whooped categories of arrogance, pride (the bad form of it), and over confidence.

When this happens just once, you could legitimately say that extenuating circumstances potentially led to the defeat.  Maybe it was injuries of several key players.  Maybe it was something that happened that dramatically and adversely affected the team.  Maybe it was that perfect play at that perfect time by the opposition that allowed that perfectly performing team to win when they shouldn’t have.

But when it happens every year, the argument for extenuating circumstances gets muted by the overwhelming cries of “WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG????”

I have no doubt that the coach of the mighty Trojans uses each of these losses over the last four seasons as object lessons for what not to do this next time.  I also have no doubt that the team feels ready to win in every single game it goes into.  But last year, we saw an incredible example of how a loss could motivate a team to win the ultimate prize and not cost it the entire season.  But that was Tim Tebow and the national champion Gators.  After that loss early in the season, Tebow gave a speech that is now enshrined on the outside wall of their locker room…it was that good.

Here’s what Tebow said:

To the fans and everybody in Gator nation, I’m sorry.  I’m extremely sorry.  We were hoping for an undefeated season.  That was my goal, something Florida has never done here.  I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this.  You will never see any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of the season.  You will never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of the season.  You will never see a team play harder than we will the rest of the season.  God bless.

That speech was delivered in the post loss press conference on September 27th, 2008.  And the rest is history.  Florida went undefeated the rest of the season and won the national championship.

Maybe the Trojans need a speech of that magnitude to kick them into that gear that will drive them to win those games that they should win and ultimately result in a national championship.

But let me close with some other incredible speeches that motivated people to win “the prize”.

First, from 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, as penned by the Apostle Paul:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?  Run in such a way as to get the prize.  Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.  They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.  Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.  No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Powerful words.

Or how about this from one of the greatest coaches of all time, Vince Lombardi:

I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.

The words from Tebow, the words from the Apostle Paul, the words from Lombardi…they should be ringing in the heads of everyone at all times, for all games, regardless of who the opponent is.

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It’s been a long summer, filled with coaching changes, trades, retirements, and eager anticipation.

Thank goodness for yesterday, when two things which seem to almost always arrive together finally got here:

(1) snow on the peak:

(2) hockey

And just as certainly as birds flying south for the winter, my daughter will now begin her relentless pestering to go to Avs games.  She’ll also begin her daily news update featuring everything I don’t care a lick about regarding her favorite teams and players.  Every now and then, she’ll change it up and rain down condemnation on the teams and players she hates the most…those are actually fun at times!

So snow and hockey are both back…and just in time…it was getting eerily quiet around here!

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The newswires were all abuzz yesterday about the microphone grabbing interruption of a thank you speech being given by a recording artist who won “best female music video”.  The microphone was grabbed by another artist who believed that someone else should have won that award.  The world seemed shocked by the behavior, and the criticism rained down on the interrupting artist from a myriad of sources.  The artist, of course, then proceeded to apologize profusely for his behavior, either fully realizing his actions were highly inappropriate or thoroughly understanding that he needed to quickly respond in a way to limit any damage to his already less-than-stellar reputation.

What surprises me is that the media and the public at large are aghast at such behavior, when those very actions are seemingly the norm right now.  In the past few days, we’ve had a Congressman belt out “you lie” at our President.  We’ve had a tennis superstar berate a line judge and threaten to “shove this $%&#^%# ball down your $%&#^%# throat”.  We’ve had a pro quarterback stand over a player lying on the ground and taunt him.  We’ve had a projected high draft pick in next year’s football draft completely lose it and punch out a fellow player after a game and then go after the fans as he was exiting the field.  We’ve had shouting and loud protesting at most town hall meetings across this country.

Today, we should be aghast when celebrities and star athletes respond with grace and humility.  Maybe that’s the news today, rather than the uncivil acts of those we might otherwise hold in high regard.

And it’s not just limited to high profile people.  Meetings today are emotionally charged, civil discussions have been replaced with a desperate desire to be heard and a crescendoing volume in conversation as other ideas may be considered that might be a better path than the one that is being argued for.  Interruptions are quite usual today, as any pause for breath by the one talking provides that much needed opening for the higher volume debaters to break in and get their points across.

A couple of decades ago, I was introduced to a concept of constructive dissent which obviously meant that any dissent that would be voiced would actually be used in a constructive way to get to a better answer.  But today, it’s apparent that lots of people feel think “loud” makes it constructive and “abusive” makes it relevant.

A Swedish proverb says, “fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more and all good things will be yours.”

We could all learn from that.

It’s time for civility.

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It was another great weekend of sports:

• some great matchups in college football (unusual for this early in the season)
• some great racing as NASCAR now heads into its own version of a playoff
• some great golf as only the top 30 in “cup points” make it to the championship rounds in two weeks
• some great tennis, with the favorites on the women’s side getting beat or losing control and giving the matches away
• some great games in the first weekend of pro football with some “all pro” players making mistakes at the pace of rookies
• some great baseball, with records being broken over a half century old and some teams soaring while others are collapsing right now

In every case, there were winners and losers.  In some cases, there were losers that won.  In other cases, there were winners that lost.

For every sport, the announcers and the media talked about revenge or respect or repeat, which were often times translated into justice or payback or dynasty.

But for every individual or team that was supposed to win, there was the other team that didn’t quite see it that way.

An unranked team beat a top 5 college football program.

A driver that never before had made the “race to the chase” beat out the favorite from last year and his hated rival.

A golfer said Tiger was beatable when Tiger was a very workman like 1 shot back, and Tiger then erupted and beat the field by 8 strokes.

An unseeded player who left the game just a couple years ago because it wasn’t fun anymore came back this year after having a child and after playing in only 3 tournaments to win the US Open.

Teams that were certain to lose with 2 minutes left somehow found a way to win.  And teams that had games locked up at the 2 minute warning found ways to lose.

Teams that were in the playoffs as of September 1st somehow forgot how to pitch and hit, and in only two short weeks, they went from sure things to not a chance.

In each sport, we saw clear evidence of great winners who lost and the usual losers who won.  For the winners, there were moments of greatness not just on the court, on the field, or on the track, but also in the words and actions afterwards when every microphone imaginable was shoved in front of them and they responded with a sense of awe and a wonderful maturity regardless of age.  For some of the losers, their collapse was often times accompanied by verbal eruptions that couldn’t be played on family friendly TV and within moments of losing, the blame game began.

We all know, “America loves a winner.”

But I long for the epic matchups in sports where both the ultimate winner and thus the loser battle it out to the bitter end and both go in front of the microphone in awe of the game that just finished.  That happened in the last two Super Bowls.  That happened in this years Men’s Wimbledon final.  That happened in the 2008 US Open in golf.  I remember each of those because of “the catch” by the Giants, “the catch” by the Steelers, “the match” between Federer and Roddick, and “the knee” from Tiger, respectively.  All were classic matches providing classic moments with the utmost in class shown by the participants – winners and losers.

It’s sad that we remember not only the epic championships but also the outrageous meltdowns.

We unfortunately saw both this weekend.

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It’s in the high 40’s at night now, causing us to use blankets again.

We had the first dusting of the year on the top of Pikes Peak this week.

We’ve had more than a full day now of cloud cover, which is something that rarely if ever happens in the summer.

The grass didn’t grow enough to mow this week.

I wore 3 layers for the first time this year to a high school football game on Saturday…and I was still cold.

I wore a sweatshirt all day today, both inside and outside the house.

I needed coffee yesterday, not to get myself going, but to keep me warm.

And all because it’s coming – sweater weather – autumn in Colorado.

And I can’t wait.

Time to dig my Mr. Rogers sweater out of the closet.

Hopefully I’ll need it this week!

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Amazing.

That’s all I can say about today.

About football…because of a game winning drive by a 19 year old true freshman in front of 106,000 screaming fans, most of them screaming for him to fail…and yet he delivered…and a legend is born.

About tennis…because of a match ending tirade by a superstar against a line judge which gave the final point of the match to her opponent who had just recently returned to the game…the tirade from the superstar gave her competitor, a stunned young mother, a spot in the finals of one of the most prestigious tournaments in sports.

About golf…because of a round at 9 under par by the world’s greatest golfer…which made everyone else in the field look pretty ordinary…and gave the rest of us wannabe golfers a thrill as he went from 1 back after 8 holes to 7 up by the time the day ended.

About racing…because one of the most exciting racers on the circuit finished fifth in the race but failed to make the 12 man racing “playoffs” because of a seventh place finish by one of the other drivers he seems to hate the most.

About family…because my father is finally home after 2 weeks in the hospital…and he knew from the beginning he’d be ok because he was in the hands of the master healer and comforter…and sure enough he is ok.

About purpose…because of a blog that reminds us of our purpose and shows so clearly what can happen when we let the passion of our salvation play out in the service that’s expected by our Savior…you too will be amazed.

About restlessness…because in the quiet of these early morning hours (it’s 3:45 am now) I find peace…and though I pay for it the rest of the day, the peaceful moments are precious as I sort through the torrential flow of input and feedback that’s flooding my sensors right now.

I truly am amazed.

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What would it be like without mediators — those relatively unbiased participants in a meeting that work incredibly hard to reconcile the differences between parties with widely varying views or positions?

Today, I can testify to the fact that without mediators in the meetings I was in, nothing would have been accomplished.

The issues were intense.  The positions on each side were calcified. 

In preparations for the meetings, the participants were told to expect venom from the opposing side.

And yet, nothing like that happened.

The mediators were awesome.

The intensity of positions was still there, but the desire to open a dialogue and the desire to understand those sitting on the other side of the table far outweighed the rush to win an argument.

And I give all the credit in each meeting to the mediators.

They did their jobs:

• before the meetings by allowing each party to vent and reminding each side that nothing would be accomplished if both parties were intransigent
• during the meeting by reminding each party of the value of taking an important first step
• at the end of the meeting by driving the discussion to a defined next step even though both sides struggled so mightily just getting to that first meeting
• and after the meeting with follow ups with both parties, focusing on the commonalities rather than the differences and reinforcing the commitments made during the meeting

As I think about the important issues that were discussed and the devastating consequences to one side or the other if some form of dialogue was not established, I’m very thankful to those who have the extraordinary talent to be a mediator.

I don’t.

I’m too emotional and too biased.

I struggle with seeing both sides of an issue.

I typically see compromise as a flat out loss, when in reality a compromise is a next step towards a possible win-win situation for both parties.

There obviously are times when compromise should not happen, but those are rare.

If you have good people on both sides of an issue, compromise should be possible.

But it certainly is harder without a good mediator.

To those that mediated today, thank you!

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