I was able to spend a couple days at home this past weekend. As usual, my wife and I verbally sparred much of the weekend as we got used to being together again (that’s a natural process when you’ve been gone all week) and we crowded into each others’ space. During the sparring, at a certain point in the conversation, my wife said, “if a man learns a lesson but a woman isn’t there to witness it, did he really learn anything at all?” I sat stunned for a moment, knowing that the comment was aimed at me but immediately wondering (like I always do) what the hidden message may have been.  As I think back on the conversations and that particular comment, I really don’t remember what may have precipitated that comment, but I’m pretty sure it could have applied to lots of things I do. My wife is an incredible teacher, educating and then re-educating me on so many things in our relationship. She’s also an incredible discipliner, making her point and then taking punative action against me as the purvayor of the crime. And she’s very astute – seriously astute – knowing when the change in my behavior may be a temporary response to pacify her and then being able to ratchet up the penalties to achieve a permanent change in behavior. The punitive action can take many forms – the silent treatment, the cleaning spree with every cleaning motion done with serious intent, not doing things she would typically do thus “encouraging” me to do it, and even every now and then a verbal smack in the face. Some of the punishments don’t work nearly as well as the others. I’m slow on the pick up (many would just call me dense), so many times the cleaning spree or not doing something to encourage me to do something just don’t work. As the punishment escalates though, even someone as dense as me eventually realizes that I’ve done wrong. But realizing you’ve done something wrong doesn’t necessarily translate into learning – that’s a much different path and for me a much different problem!   I did spend some time this weekend doing things that I don’t normally have the sense to do – helped with the cooking; helped with the dishes – ok, that’s about it. And I think my wife was actually startled just a bit by my help…she wasn’t really used to it. And I’m not sure why I wanted to help this week, but it just seemed like the right thing to do. I really do think I’m learning. I’m learning that I’ve taken things for granted just about my entire life. I’m learning that I’m lazy by nature, but more upsetting, needy as well. I’m learning that I use my aggressive travel schedule at work as an excuse for my laziness and neediness. I’m learning that I’m fat. Ok…I’ve always known I’m fat, but now it’s really starting to bother me. I’m also learning that I’m really disorganized at work and in life, but I can cover the disorganization at work with my passion and long hours, but I can’t cover my disorganization in life without lots of help, and thus the neediness.   It’s still early in my current change process, but I truly am learning lots of things. I’ve gone as far as to say that I’m in a mid life crisis with the things I’m doing and the things I’m learning. Since I’ve spent a lifetime mired in my ways without learning anything at all, my wife has every reason in the world to be suspect of my learning and even cynical of such learning. And maybe that’s what drove her to ask that question. But I can tell you this – in life just like in school, it seems like every now and then things just click. I can’t explain why the changes are occurring now, but I hope these changes are permanent and I hope the smiles that come because of these changes become contagious!