Family
My wife and I have been married over 25 years now and we’re going through family changes right now. We’re moving from being just parents to soon being grandparents (3 weeks away if all goes as scheduled). We currently have 2 of our 3 kids living at home, but our 20 year old son has the itch and my guess is that we’re only months away from being 2 of 3 out of the home and being only one child away from empty nesters. And our 14 year old is entering that less than clingy phase that Bob Carlisle talks about in “Butterfly Kisses”, so the time we’ll share together will slowly diminish leading up to her departure from home in a few short years.
Up till recently, I didn’t think much of all the changes – in fact, I was really looking forward to a bit of privacy and a distinctly different level of noise and harmony in the home. But the closer we get, the more I already miss the noise, the constant tension, the uniquely family debates, the “give me my space” requirements of each of the kids, and the oldest/youngest/middle child abuse or special treatment depending on which they were and which they weren’t. I look back fondly on needing a van to give each their own bubble and I’m not so sure anymore that I’m looking forward to when the two seat sport coup will suffice. Just 7 years ago we built a 6,000 square foot home to give each of our children just about their own floor and we’re soon to have 2,000 square feet per person too much in the house - I already hear the echoes that will occur as my wife and I will talk and we’ll have no bodies in the home to dampen or absorb the voices anymore.
I’m one that thrives on change, but I’m sensing that there may be some changes that have a much more sentimental affect on me than others, and in a sense, I may want certain change to maybe go into that otherwise despised holding pattern…just to prolong the wonder and the beauty of the moment and thus to further lock into my memory the beauty of what is and what was and thus delay the inevitable what will be.
I can also see now that there are certain events in our lives that further reinforce our mortality and just by their very nature open up the emotions and the inevitability of our “later years”. In these years, those you love the most move from dependence to independence and from desiring the close proximity of safe and secure to the distance of confidence and maturity. I know they’ll still call…every now and then…and then once in a while need something special that only a mom or dad can provide, but the better we do our job as parents in those formative years then the less they need to call – hopefully though they’ll want to call.
As my wife helps my oldest prepare for the soon to come new member of our family and as I counsel my middle son on career paths and choices even though he’s in those time-to-support-myself-and-make-my-own-decisions years, I already cherish those few months or maybe years I still have with our youngest needing to some degree her parents (she can’t drive just yet!). We’re so lucky that our kids are all strong and independent; yet we’re somewhat unlucky in how quickly they move into those need-to-support-ourselves years.
These sentimental moments seem to come so much more frequently now – that’s a consequence of aging too I guess. In this sentinmentality though, I hope to lock in the memories and the moments so I can relive each one when the contact and the needs diminish. In some ways, I hope that holds off for a while.