Musings at Altitude

Last night, it was 35 degrees here at our house and we slept with both windows next to the bed open.  My wife slept comfortably with only a sheet covering her feet, while I was in a tight fetal position under the comforter.  The sleeping isn’t so bad, but I can tell you first hand that there is absolutely no desire to leave the warmth of that bed to shut the windows in the morning when it’s freezing!  The 40 degree difference in our body temperatures is bearable in the coolness of the Rocky Mountain winter and spring, but I can’t possibly imagine what our room at night will be like during the heat of the summer when she’s driving the temperature of the ambient air around our bed up into a Phoenix, middle-of-the-day like 120 degrees!  I’ll need a window unit pointed straight at her and a freezer like chassis around the bed just for her to sleep.  At that time, I’ll probably be down at the Holiday Inn Express!

So this morning, I wanted to be a good husband and seek out some help and understanding on “perimenopausal”.  I need to take some form of intervention type action now to help her and to protect me.  I first went to dictionary.com to find out what these pre-menopausal symptoms mean.  Thank goodness it gave me a definition that even I could understand.  “Perimenopausal” means “relating to, being in, or occurring in menopause”.  Boy, I feel better now.  Nothing like knowing that perimenopausal means being in perimenopause.  Whew!  I thought it might mean something very different, like, “being in a constantly heated state and completely irritated with your husband.”  Or maybe, “desperately desiring to lower your heating bill and using your body temperature to warm up the entire house.” 

With the new wisdom I gained from dictionary.com, I did what I never do on these web sites.  I scanned over to the advertisement flags on the web site to seek out some hope and potentially some further incredible insight into this body heat producing problem.  [Editor’s Note:  Lots of things are being blamed for global warming, but I certainly haven’t yet seen the theory that our aging population is creating more women in the perimenopausal state at one time than ever in the history of the universe, thus raising the temperature of the earth by at least 30 degrees in their general vicinities, and making our planet more like a sun]

RightHealth.com promised to give me the answers I was looking for.  NaturalRelief.com promised to give me “fast relief from hot flashes, mood swings & more.”  That one really scared me, because I really don’t want to know the “& more”.  Hot flashes and mood swings are plenty!  And womentowomen.com lured me with “learn what to expect and how to get through perimenopause, naturally.”  I almost clicked on that one, but immediately thought of the song, “Alone Again, Naturally” by Gilbert O’Sullivan and wondered if I too would be alone again, naturally, if I pursued this line of thinking and this path to remedy and my wife found out.

So for this morning, I’m giving up this quest.  It’s obvious I need to spend a lot more time and focus my efforts on being a supportive and nurturing husband.  Maybe later I can find a web site, www.allyouneedtoknowaboutperimenopauseandwaystocooldownyourwifewithoutpissingheroff.com.

That would be cool.  Literally!

PS.  One final note.  The Microsoft Word Editor doesn’t even recognize “perimenopause” as a word.  It suggests, “per menopause” as an option.  For Microsoft, “perimenopause” is most certainly a word.  I get whacked every time I mention it!